I will gladly take the crown for clumsiest human being right now! It isn’t even midday and I have already accidently hurt myself, I’m sat here typing with a plaster on my finger because I cut it on my bra (even my clothes are turning against me now)and a red mark on my head from where I hit it on the edge of my desk. I am the living embodiment of clumsy smurf or Mr Clumsy from the Mr men. I have many funny and embarrassing stories to back this up. Before you keep reading I’m going to point out that I was completely sober on this night out so I can’t even blame it on the alcohol, I was stood outside a club with my friends getting some fresh air before we head in to keep dancing, we were all pretty buzzed having a good time excited to head in again. To get into this club you have to go down a set of concrete steps through an archway, my friend thought it would be cool if we jump down the last couple of steps, you know as you do. You might be able to see where this is going, let’s just say I didn’t estimate how many steps to leave. I jumped and went head first into the concrete arch before falling to the bottom of the steps on my ass. it was like something straight of off you’ve been framed, the most ironic part of this story is the fact that the club that I hit my head on was called concrete.
I have way more stories where that came from, some in concrete too. I can’t go a single day without doing something moderately clumsy, trip over nothing, bump into something, I seriously don’t know how I’ve made it to this age. Not all of my clumsiness involves me getting hurt tho (well most of it does), last night I was walking across to my friends flat when one of them messaged me, as I go to check the message my hands decide with a mind of their own that they don’t want to do that and that it is a much better idea to drop my new phone on the floor and break the screen. Now I know iPhones have a reputation for the screens smashing so easily so I was smart, I got a screen protector genius right?! NO, i don’t know how I managed it but I was somehow able to drop my phone at such an angle that I cracked the screen under the protector. Nokia 3310, that solid brick of a phone would have no chance against me. that sound like the worst superhero movie ever ‘Clumsy Girl vs Nokia Man. -who will break first?- ‘crashing into a cinema near you this summer.
And the award for the clumsiest person ever goes to…. em!
oh my gosh there’s so many people to thank, I’d like to thank my friends and family, without them I wouldn’t have anyone to laugh at me, the pavement, I can always count on it to trip me up, door frames and so may more inanimate object without you none of this would be possible. thank you and good night
stay safe guys, love Em xxx